


don't you want (the way i feel for you)

by ireallydontknowok



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Multi, Polyamory, Seventeen Love Each Other, Soft Kisses, i guess???? idk???????? how to tag this exactly???, its soft and jisoo is angsty and they love each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 17:13:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9451829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ireallydontknowok/pseuds/ireallydontknowok
Summary: The problem is this; Jisoo wants.Wait, scratch that.The problem is that Jisoo wants what he cannot have.





	1. here we are (with nothing but this little spark)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yoongisscarf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoongisscarf/gifts).



> happy birthday erika!!!
> 
> (work title and chapter titles are all lyrics pulled from darren criss' song 'don't you')
> 
>  
> 
> [(my twt)](https://twitter.com/transjacksn)
> 
> i've run in to some money troubles and i thought i'd leave this link here in case someone can and wants to help me out!! any little bit helps!!! xoxo   
> https://ko-fi.com/cadenmlovett

Jeonghan looks like he wants to be kissed.

He’s scuffing his shoes on the floor of the practice room, fingers tangling and twisting together nervously, head ducked down and hair falling gently to shield his face from view.

Jisoo doesn’t quite… know what to do with this.

Maybe. Maybe Jeonghan didn’t mean what he’d said, right? Sometimes, when he’s tired, he says things without thinking, not mean or bad things, but just. Says things.

Things like, “I like you a lot, Shua. As more than friends.” For example.

That one’s still ringing in his head.

“Uhm,” Jisoo says. He’s not good with words, never has been. He’s… he’s not anything special, really, so none of this is making sense in his head, that Jeonghan, his best friend, his best friend who has a _boyfriend_ , is. Confessing? To him??

Jeonghan looks up through his eyelashes, a little smile playing on his lips. Jisoo can’t see enough of his face to know if it’s a happy smile, a ‘Jisoo’s being cute’ smile, or a sad smile.

“‘Uhm’?” he asks, teasing a little. He lifts his head, shakes his hair out of his face a bit, and Jisoo can see now that the smile is his ‘I’m ready for bad news’ one. “C’mon, Shua, don’t leave me hanging, here.”

Jisoo takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. When he opens them, Jeonghan has curled his arms around himself. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Jeonghan looks at him for a second, and then he laughs a little.

“I know what I want to hear,” Jeonghan says, his shoulders curving in now too, but he keeps eye contact with Jisoo. “But I want the truth, really.”

“But I…” Jisoo’s floundering a little. He takes off his snapback to run a hand through his hair. “I can’t answer something that’s not a question.”

He keeps baffling Jeonghan, apparently, because the other boy just stares at him.

“Jisoo,” he finally breathes, and the sound is one of Jisoo’s favourites in the whole world. “Do you really need me to spell it out for you?”

Jisoo lets go of a breath.

“Yes,” he says, nodding. “Especially with… Jeonghan, you have Seungcheol. Wouldn’t he… doesn’t he.” He tries again, sees that he’s spooking Jeonghan a little. “You love him.”

A smile spills onto Jeonghan’s face. “I do,” he says, nodding. He tucks a stray strand of hair behind his ear, which they probably both note as being something Seungcheol would have done for him, were he here. “And I love you too. And he loves you. We both love you.”

This is. A lot.

Almost too much, but then Jeonghan ducks his head again, looking like he stepped right out of a Vermeer painting, soft and gentle and beautiful, and everything settles. Everything is simple, just for this moment.

Jisoo steps forward, hand reaching out so it’s their first point of contact when he takes Jeonghan’s hand. Jisoo is close now, and Jeonghan looks up, the movement sudden, laced with surprise.

“Jeonghan,” he says the name the way he’s always said it, like it means the whole world to him, like he can’t imagine wanting to say anyone else’s name. Neither of them say anything else, though, just breathe into the minimal space between them.

And then Jisoo leans in, face tipped to the side and eyes slipping shut, and he kisses Jeonghan.

It’s chaste, not quick but not long, and the feeling of the pressure of each others’ lips lingers when they draw back. Jeonghan is holding on very tight to his hand, and he doesn’t open his eyes right away.

“I,” Jisoo begins, voice a little hoarse in his throat, mouth a little dry. He squeezes Jeonghan’s hand once, reassuring, when Jeonghan opens his eyes and loosens his grip. “Give me time. To think. It’s a lot, Hannie, you gotta understand.”

“Yes,” Jeonghan breathes, and then he nods. “Take your time, Shua. We’ll be here either way.”

Jisoo exhales, and then he smiles, tries not to think about how saying no to this is going to be the hardest thing he’ll ever have done. Now that he’s had this taste, now that he’s had Jeonghan’s hand in his in a way that isn’t Just Friends, now that he knows what Jeonghan looks like right after a first kiss, he knows how much saying no is going to hurt.

Jeonghan returns the smile then, and Jisoo’s brain quiets, his heart settles, his breathing slows. Things will be better if they stay like this.

 

***

 

Hours turn into days, and days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months, and every passing marker of time takes him further away from the moment when he kissed Jeonghan. He still hasn’t given him an answer, and both Jeonghan and Seungcheol have tried to stay normal around him, despite the tension that flutters like a mirage, borne of something akin to scalding concrete but more like one swift kiss, between the three of them.

But they’ve gone back to normal; Jisoo and Jeonghan are touchy like before, and Seungheol still looks at Jisoo like he hung the stars, so often he almost convinces Jisoo himself that he actually did. They’re back to normal, and Jisoo expects What Happened will fade into the background of their lives.

He’s trying very hard to convince himself that this is what he wants.

They finish practice, and Jisoo watches Seungcheol pull Jeonghan in, close against his chest. Seungkwan complains loudly about them being gross, and Jeonghan just blows copious amounts of kisses at him as he leaves the room, Seungcheol hanging off him and laughing.

Jisoo’s putting his guitar away, trying not to notice that it’s just him, Jeonghan and Seungcheol left in the room. It’s not quite working, if his slightly trembly fingers are anything to go by.

He hears Jeonghan murmur, “Good luck,” before kissing Seungcheol and darting out of the room, and that’s.... Foreboding.

Jisoo zips the guitar case closed, grabbing the handle as he stands and turns to face whatever this is going to be.

“Hey,” Seungcheol says. He’s got one hand in the pocket of his sweats, the other lifted in a lazy greeting. It’s casual, and he looks relaxed. He’s got this thing about him, though, always a sort of off beat with his limbs when he’s not dancing or rapping that Jisoo is surprised at sometimes. He’s always moving in ways that seem a little jerkier, a tiny bit more stilted than Jisoo, but it only makes the leader even more interesting to watch, whenever he has the chance and no one else is looking.

He tries not to stare this time, though.

“Hey,” he replies, going for calm and chill, but coming off forced. “What’s up?”

Seungcheol comes toward him, gait unaffected, and stops two feet in front of him. Jisoo's grip tightens on his guitar case.

"Jeonghan talked to you," he says, nodding once, because he doesn't need to ask to know the answer. It's evident that he knows every detail of What Happened.

Jisoo tries to dodge anyway. "We talk a lot," he says, shrugs. "We're practicing a lot, Seunghceol, you don't have to worry, vocal unit is fine--"

"Not about that, Jisoo," he says it around an easy laugh, and warmth bubbles up in Jisoo's chest. Seungcheol makes him feel safe, safer than anyone he knows, but as he lifts a hand to rub at the back of his neck and looks at Jisoo through his eyelashes, Jisoo feels like he’s on unsteady ground.

This feels like a deja-vu.

"You know what I'm talking about," Seungcheol says, blinking slowly. There's a beat, and then he reaches across the space and rests his hand on Jisoo's shoulder. "Have you thought about it?"

He wants to laugh.

The question isn’t if he’s thought about it, but moreover has he thought about anything _but_ What Happened.

“Y-yeah,” he stutters out. He swallows once, clenching his jaw before relaxing it again. “I, uh. I have.”

The truth is, he can’t close his eyes without seeing Jeonghan, eyelashes curving against his cheeks, mouth parted and slightly wet because of Jisoo’s own mouth. He can’t look at Seungcheol and Jeonghan together without spending hours afterwards wondering what it would be like to slip into their embrace, slot himself into their intimacy and fit there comfortably. Jisoo has held What Happened so close to his heart it’s imprinted itself onto his ribs, soft like flower petals curling around bone and marking him as Theirs.

He can’t have that, though, and he’d claw at his chest if it would make the aching feeling of loss go away.

That’s selfish, though, and he knows that, because they were never his; but what a lovely dream.

“Hey,” Seungcheol says, voice low. “Hey, come back, stop thinking so much. It’s okay, you’re okay.” He searches Jisoo’s face for something, and he must find it, because his expression softens and he draws him into a hug, murmuring, “I’m here.”

Jisoo takes a deep breath.

“Yeah,” he says, nodding into the warmth of his friend’s broad chest. “I know.”

Seungcheol hums, and Jisoo feels it against his chest. They move away, but not as far as before. Jisoo smiles.

They stay like that for a long moment.

This is the opportunity, and he keeps screaming at himself to say it, to end this now, before they can build something beautiful and Jisoo can somehow be their missing piece, set in the game only to tear it all down. Again, like the millions of other times he’s thought about this whole mess, he tells himself to put a stop to it now so it can hurt and he can heal.

But he can’t.

The words are right there, “I can’t do it, it’s too much,” tripping over themselves in his mouth, but he refuses to open it and let them out. Something that feels a little like burning flowers in his chest tells him not to.

“You need more time,” Seungcheol surmises from his silence. He nods when Jisoo does, and then he’s smiling.

“Can I,” Seungcheol looks nervous now, worked up and flustered over nothing that Jisoo can see. “Jeonghannie told me that you give cute kisses and I wanted to see for myself.”

Jisoo blinks at him once, twice, and just as Seungcheol looks like he’s about to pull his hand away and bow in apology, Jisoo catches his wrist.

“You can,” he says, nodding, and Seungcheol lights up like a puppy, eyes wide and trying to swallow down a smile. He steps in close to Jisoo, hand moving from his shoulder to lay gently over the side of Jisoo’s throat, and then they’re kissing.

It’s different from kissing Jeonghan, obviously. For one Jisoo’s not the one initiating it, but it’s more the vibe of the kiss, the way Seuncheol presses in so close against him and kisses him firmly, like he’s telling Jisoo to remember, please remember.

And Jisoo, as he molds his mouth into the kiss, promises not to forget.

Seungcheol is the one to break it, thumb tracing over Jisoo’s skin, and he leans their foreheads together, smile wide and eyes still closed. Jisoo watches him, enthralled.

“Okay,” Seungcheol says, and that seems to be his cue to step away, because he separates himself from Jisoo. As he breaks the silence, he grins at him, cheeks pink and lips a little shiny, rolling forward on the balls of his feet. “It’s gonna be really hard to not do that all the time.”

It startles a laugh out of Jisoo, who otherwise probably would’ve stayed frozen there until Seungcheol left the room. Instead, though, he finds himself grinning, at ease despite everything.

He lets Seungcheol drag him in under his arm as they leave the practice room, neither of them needing to speak as they grab the rest of their stuff and head back to join the rest of the boys.

“Don’t think yourself into a pit, Jisoo,” Seungcheol says, making it a warning as they break apart to put their shoes on.

“Oh yeah?” he teases back, leaning into his space again, just a little. Seungcheol spots it though, and grins. “And what are you gonna do about it if I do?”

“I’ll just have to kiss you more, I guess,” he says it like it’s the simplest thing, and Jisoo ducks his head to hide his faint blush. “And get you talking so I know what’s bugging you.”

“Mmm,” Jisoo hums, and it’s non-committal.

Seungcheol reads him as easily as ever, and can see that he’s drawing into himself again, so he rests a hand gently on Jisoo’s shoulder and smiles at him.

“We’re here,” he says, and it’s heavy, it’s so heavy as it settles in Jisoo’s stomach. “No matter what you decide, we love you, and we want what’s best for you.”

Jisoo lets the words rest, before murmuring, “I know.”

 

***

 

Jisoo is hurting.

His chest hurts, his stomach hurts, his neck and shoulders have been taking all of his tension recently, and he’s been working himself even harder in their choreo to try to distract himself from everything. It’s been almost six weeks that he’s been feeling like this, ever since Seungcheol came to him and kissed him into believing that being with them would be possible, would be _perfect_ , and he’s so, so tired.

If you were to ask him, though, he would say he’s fine. But of course he is, so why would you even ask?

Jeonghan and Seungcheol don’t seem to have gotten the memo, though, because they both keep him back one day after a long and arduous practice, sweat slick on their foreheads and making Seungcheol’s shirt stick to his chest.

“Shua,” Jeonghan calls, as Jisoo is about to leave the practice room. Jisoo pauses, shoulders bunching up around his neck tensely, and he catches Seungcheol making a helplessly sad face at the sight of it. He watches in the floor to ceiling mirrors as Jeonghan reaches out to grab and squeeze his boyfriend’s hand, before continuing, “Wait, stay for a second.”

Jisoo turns then, and faces the reason behind all of this turmoil, all of this hurt and sadness and tiredness that has been weighing on him.

For a moment, though, as he looks at them, his heart rests. For a moment, the twisting dread and uneasiness in his stomach loosens, the pain in his chest subsides like it’s low tide. Everything, for just a moment, is muted, as if his hurt can simply fade into the background when he’s with Jeonghan and Seungcheol.

“Yeah,” he says, instead of everything he’s feeling. “What’s up?”

Jeonghan looks scared, he looks like he’s going to cry already, and Jisoo swallows hard.

 _Ah_ , he thinks. _So this is the part where they tell me they’ve reconsidered, and have realized that ultimately I’m not good for them._

He takes a deep breath.

“We wanted to--” Jeonghan starts, but his voice peters off weakly. Seungcheol lets go of his hand to pull his boyfriend in beside him, arm over his shoulder and a kiss presses to the side of his hair.

Jisoo’s brain quiets a little, and one thought bubbles to the surface.

_I want that._

“It’s okay, baby, let me do the talking, alright?” Seungcheol says, and Jeonghan nods once. He detaches himself from Seungcheol, so they’re both standing separately, looking at Jisoo.

“I feel like I’m being interrogated or something, guys,” Jisoo tries, and both of them smile a little at the stupid joke. He tries again, “What’s up?”

Seungcheol blinks at him, and then smiles, a hint of sadness in it.

“We wanted to talk with you,” he says, and it’s sure and steady and safe. Jisoo tries not to go rigid, tries not to say something dumb. “Are you open to that?”

Jisoo hums once, and it’s not really an answer, so he tacks on a jerky nod as well.

“Okay,” Seungcheol says, nodding back. He looks around behind him, and then turns a little, says, “Wanna grab some chairs?”

And so they take the flimsy foldable chairs and sit down in a little triangle, equal space between each of them, and they talk.

Seungcheol asks how he’s been doing with all of it, and Jisoo shrugs, says he’s been doing his best. Jisoo asks how they’ve been, as a couple, since Jeonghan first asked, and they look at each other, and say that they’re fine, if not feeling a little incomplete. Jeonghan asks why he’s been avoiding them, and Jisoo defends himself, says he’s nervous, has only been making it weird because he doesn’t wanna make it weird. Jisoo asks why him, and Seungcheol and Jeonghan both smile like they can’t help it, wide and bright, and say that he’s their Jisoo, which makes all of them blush.

“I’m sorry,” Jisoo says, once they’ve gotten comfortable in the conversation. He folds his hands together and looks at his fingers instead of his friends. “I’m sorry I haven’t said anything yet, I know that was bad. I’m just--”

He pauses, swallows hard, and tries to stop himself from crying.

“I’m just scared,” he manages, voice raspy with tears. “I’m just me, and you already have each other, and you’re so good for each other and I don’t want to risk coming in and ruining that. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“Shua, no,” Jeonghan says, and it sounds like he’s crying too. “You wouldn’t ruin anything, you couldn’t.”

“We can all be good for each other,” Seungcheol offers, and when he doesn’t get a response, just a set of wet sniffles, he reaches out and takes both of their hands. “We can, I know we can.”

Jisoo inhales shakily.

“It’s selfish,” he breathes out. “I’m selfish, I can’t ask for this, you guys… it’s too much to give, and that’s okay, and I know that. It’s… I’m selfish and I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no,” Seungcheol sounds so worried, and Jisoo pulls his hand out from his grip, covers his face with it as he cries harder.

“I’m sorry, fuck, I’m sorry,” he sobs, and Seungcheol gets up out of his chair and kneels in front of him.

“Jisoo,” Jeonghan says off to his right, and then there’s a hand on his shoulder. “You are not selfish. If anyone is selfish it’s us, for asking you to be with us if you weren’t ready.”

“No, no,” even now, he’s arguing that it’s himself at fault. “No, you’re not selfish. It’s okay, it’s just. I can’t have this and it hurts.”

“Why can’t you have this?” Seungcheol asks, and even Jisoo hears how he has to stop himself from adding on an affectionate “Baby” to the question.

“Because,” he says, and suddenly draws a blank. He’s spent months and months fighting with himself, convincing himself that he couldn’t have this, couldn’t be with them, but now, faced with one challenging question, he can’t seem to remember any of what he’s been telling himself.

“Mmm?” Seungcheol prompts again. He’s got his hands resting gently on Jisoo’s knees, and he rubs his thumb back and forth over his jeans.

“I…” Jisoo tries again, but still nothing is coming to him. “I don’t know I… I just....”

He takes his hand away from his face, rubbing the tears out of his eyes as he blinks up at Jeonghan, still as perfect as ever, even with tears on his cheeks, and then down at Seungcheol, who is holding him together the way he always does, quietly and solidly and never asking for anything in return.

“Do you want this?” Jeonghan’s voice is cautious, but he sounds like he needs an answer.

“I…” Jisoo starts, and Jeonghan shakes his head. He looks firm, determined.

“It’s a yes or no,” he says, and Seungcheol hums a soft agreement from the floor. “Do you want to be with us?”

Jisoo’s ribs are burning.

“Yes,” he breathes, and it’s so soft and quiet in the big practice room.

Jeonghan smiles.

“Then can’t it be as simple as that?” his voice is quiet, genuinely asking what Jisoo thinks.

“I don’t know,” Jisoo responds, and Seungcheol squeezes both his knees once.

“Can we try it out and see?” he asks, using Jisoo’s knees as leverage to help him stand. “Because I think it might be as simple as this.”

They’re both standing beside him, looking down with nothing but poorly masked hope in their eyes, shrouded a little by their attempts at keeping themselves neutral.

There is a whole bushel of tulips woven between his ribs, red ones curling around his heart as he looks up at them.

“Okay,” Jisoo says, and he gets to watch as both Seunghceol and Jeonghan light up at the word. “I want this.”

“You can have it,” Jeonghan reassures him, reaching down and taking his hand. He pulls it up and presses his lips to his fingers, gentle and overwhelmed, as he repeats, “You can have it.”

 

***

 

The next day Jisoo wakes up feeling like he slept 14 hours, when really he knows he only crammed in maybe five. He reaches above his head in a big stretch, and blinks himself fully conscious for a few seconds before sitting up and swinging his legs off his bed.

When his feet touch the floor, he remembers.

His heart leaps, hands scrambling for his phone so he can check his texts. Sure enough, he’s in a groupchat on Kakao talk with Seungcheol and Jeonghan, and yeah, the goodnight texts with little kissy faces weren’t part of his dream.

“Whoa,” he flops onto his back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling with a big smile. His phone, still held loosely in one hand, buzzes and makes a loud noise with the next alarm he’d set, and he stops the alarm without looking at the phone. He never wants to move, wants to stay in this bubble of pure happiness, in which he knows for sure that Jeonghan and Seungcheol want him, and he’s allowed to want them back, for the rest of his life.

But then he hears some movement from down the hall, and he remembers that this is his life, and he’s got to keep going no matter how much the butterflies in his stomach and the flowers in his ribs want to live there forever.

As he trudges out of his room and into the kitchen and sees Jeonghan there already, though, he thinks maybe the butterflies are here to stay either way.

“Morning,” he says, and Jeonghan looks up from his bowl, looking startled. His expression softens into one of fond sleepiness and he holds one arm out for a hug.

“Good morning,” he says into Jisoo’s hair when Jisoo settles himself in against Jeonghan. “How’d you sleep?”

“Really well,” Jisoo replies as he pulls out of the hug a little, marveling at the fact that he’s allowed to reside in Jeonghan’s space like this now. He peeks into Jeonghan’s breakfast before grabbing a piece of chicken out of the bowl. “You?”

“Thief,” Jeonghan accuses, and Jisoo just grins at him. “I slept okay.”

His voice is making it sound like he’s got more to say, so Jisoo asks him to elaborate.

Jeonghan looks a little embarrassed. “Cheol and I stayed up late talking about you,” he admits, pink dusting his cheeks and hair falling to cover his face demurely as he speaks. “We’re both very, very happy.”

Jisoo blinks at him a few times, and then he grins.

“That’s so cute,” he says, teasing a little, and Jeonghan huffs, hits him in the chest.

“We’re just… yeah. We’re happy,” Jeonghan says again, and Jisoo can’t help but lean in and kiss him quickly on the cheek. They’re both really red when he draws back, and Jeonghan looks towards the doorway, biting his lip.

“Hey,” Seungcheol’s hair is a mess, and he’s trying to tame it a little as he walks into the room. “You guys kissing in here without me? Unfair.”

Jisoo laughs, reaching out when Seungcheol does, takes his hand and pulls him close to them.

“Not really,” he says, and after Seuncheol’s given Jeonghan his morning kiss on the nose, he turns to Jisoo, asking him to elaborate. “Just cheek kisses.”

“Aw, even better,” he says, and his voice is still half asleep. “Cheek kisses rock.”

Jeonghan is looking at Seungcheol like he’s the best thing in the world, and then he turns the expression on Jisoo. It’s dizzying.

Seuncheol moves away from their little embrace, heading for the fridge, but Jisoo stops him.

“Come back here,” he says, and Seuncheol whines.

“I’m hungry, though,” he complains, but shuffles back over, eyes closed and mouth set in a deep pout.

“Too hungry for a kiss?” Jisoo asks, and Seuncheol lights right up. Instead of answering, he just puffs his cheek out with air, eyes squeezed shut cutely now as he leans his face in closer to Jisoo, who laughs and pecks him on the cheek.

“There we go,” he says, once Seungcheol has unpuffed his cheek and let a dopey smile slip onto his face. “Now go eat.”

Seungcheol rummages through the fridge, and ends up finding the chicken fried rice Jeonghan must have just made, still warm in the container if Seungcheol’s hands against the plastic are anything to go by.

“Want some?” he asks Jisoo, who nods from where he’s leaned his head against Jeonghan’s shoulder. He’s holding the bowl for Jeonghan, the other boy using the chopsticks a little clumsily in his left hand as he eats, the right arm still looped over Jisoo’s shoulders.

“Thanks,” Jisoo says once Seungcheol has handed him his bowl. “Wanna go sit down?”

“Mostly I just want my arm back,” Jeonghan complains, but he’s smiling, and sits really close beside Jisoo on the couch when they all flop down. Seuncheol squishes in on Jisoo’s other side.

“Boyfriend sandwich,” Jisoo says around his third mouthful of breakfast, and Jeonghan and Seungcheol both tense beside him. He turns his head from side to side to look at them. “What?”

“Boyfriend,” Seungcheol says, jerking his head at Jisoo. “You said boyfriend.”

Jisoo blinks at him.

“Uhm,” he’s trying to justify this, and apologies are on his tongue when he decides to just stop, and let himself take this.

“Yeah. Boyfriend,” he nods. “Boyfriends. That’s. What we are, right? We’re trying it out for a bit, being boyfriends?”

“Yeah, no yeah, that’s great, Jisoo,” Jeonghan says. “That’s. It’s perfect.”

“And we’ll keep being boyfriends like this until you tell us you wanna stop?” Seungcheol clarifies, and Jisoo turns his head to look at him.

“That’s not trying it out,” Jisoo says, but he’s careful not to make his voice accusatory. “That’s being official.”

Seungcheol looks over Jisoo’s head to Jeonghan, who must confirm something with him despite their silence.

“Then let’s be official,” he says, and Jeonghan hums in agreement. Seungcheol searches his face, but Jisoo knows what he looks like, know’s he’s smiling and blushing.

“Okay,” he breathes, eager. “Okay, we’re official. Boyfriends.”

“Yeah,” Jeonghan confirms, nodding so vigorously he jostles Jisoo a bit. “Official boyfriends. That sounds good.”

“Sounds perfect,” Seungcheol says, and his smile is blinding, as is Jeonghan’s when Jisoo turns to look at him.

“You know what’s perfect?” Jisoo asks both of them, and they make little inquisitive noises. He bites his lip around his smile and says, “You are.”

And then Jisoo leans in over Jeonghan’s body and kisses him once, quick and sweet, before turning and planting one on Seungcheol as well. He settles in between them, between his boyfriends, and he lets himself want, and he lets himself have.


	2. lets pretend (that both our lips are made of candy)

“I would like a kiss,” Jisoo is sitting on Jeonghan’s bed, watching the other boy putter around his room looking for something to wear to the airport.

“I can’t right now, gimme a second,” Jeonghan says, distracted. He pulls a black shirt out of the pile at the bottom of his shared closet, and shakes his head at it.

“I want a kiss, Hannie,” Jisoo whines at him, and when Jeonghan doesn’t answer, just picks up another big black shirt before throwing it away, he pouts. “The kiss interest increases every minute you don’t give me a kiss, you know.”

Jeonghan huffs out a little laugh at that, but still doesn’t come over and give Jisoo the two kisses he now owes him.

“It’s three kisses, now,” Jisoo says after maybe a minute, maybe less, has passed. “Soon it’ll be five, and then eight, and then twelve, and then seventeen, and then twenty-three, and then--”

They’re both laughing when Jeonghan leans in over Jisoo and presses a kiss to his mouth.

“There, there’s one,” he says, cheeky, and Jisoo puckers his lips for more. Jeonghan obliges him, and the third kiss is a little deeper. Jisoo ends up smiling them out of it, though.

“Okay, I’m satisfied,” he says, nodding. “You can go back to picking the perfect black t-shirt out of all your black t-shirts now.”

“Shut up,” Jeonghan laughs, ducking his face into Jisoo’s neck and staying there for a moment. Jisoo lets him, runs his hand through Jeonghan’s newly shortened hair gently.

“You’ll look good no matter what, babe,” he says, and Jeonghan grumbles something that’s unintelligible, but that still makes Jisoo smile.

“Just because of that,” Jeonghan says as he hauls himself back upright and sighs at the piles of clothing on his floor. “I’m gonna wear white.”

Jisoo laughs, and Jeonghan makes a face like he's offended.

"I am!" he cries, indignant, and Jisoo tries to quell his laughter by ducking his head close to Jeonghan's and pressing his smile into Jeonghan's hair.

"I'm sure you are," Jisoo says, kissing his head once before moving down to kiss Jeonghan on the cheek. Jeonghan pouts, but it just makes Jisoo want to kiss him properly, and when he does press his lips to Jeonghan's theyre both grinning.

"I love you," Jeonghan says, sighing as he gets up to find an the perfect white shirt.

"Love you too," Jisoo replies easily, as he always does. He flops back on the bed, staring at the ceiling as Jeonghan rummages around, and laughs when Jeonghan makes a delighted noise, apparently having found the right white shirt.

"Okay, you're dressed," Jisoo makes grabby hands at his boyfriend. "Now come here."

Jeonghan does, lowers himself down to lay on the bed beside Jisoo and curls into him. They lay in comfortable silence, the quiet before the storm of traveling and concerts wrapped up in their little cocoon of peace.

Jeonghan hums thoughtfully as he reaches over to run his hands through Jisoo's hair. Jisoo raises his eyebrows at him, and Jeonghan just puts on an even more thoughtful expression.

"I think," he pushes up to hover over Jisoo, and Jisoo's hand winds up on Jeonghan's hip, gentle but present as he looks up at him.

"I think that we should mess up your hair," he says finally, after a few moments of silence. He looks down at Jisoo, mischief in his eyes. "Get everyone talking, you know."

Jisoo's smile matches the playful edge in Jeonghan's eyes.

"Yeah?" he asks, and Jeonghan nods, leaning in already to lay a kiss or three down Jisoo's neck. Jeonghan's hand tightens a little in his hair, and Jisoo's hand mirrors the action where it resides on Jeonghan's hip.

"Yeah," he confirms for both of them, making Jeonghan press his laughter into Jisoo's skin.

They aren't the last ones out the door and in the car, but it's a near thing. Seungcheol's eyes go wide when he sees them, and he knows immediately what they've been up to, given the blushes they're sporting, as well as the messy state of Jisoo's hair.

"Sit next to me?" Jeonghan asks, sliding into the back of the van, and Jisoo nods, squishes in beside him.

Jeonghan doesn't let go of his hand the whole car ride.

 

***

 

“It’s too salty,” Seungcheol smacks his lips dramatically, but he sticks his finger back into his mouth as if to suck more broth off it, and Jisoo roll his eyes, smile fond.

“You could always make dinner, Cheol,” he reminds him, and at that Seungcheol’s eyes go wide as he shakes his head, still sitting on the counter beside the stove.

“You’re better at it,” he says, resorting to compliments now to try and save face. “I’d just fuck it up, but you’d never do that. I trust you more.”

“Mmm,” Jisoo hums, stirring the soup a few more times before placing the lid on it gently. He turns to his boyfriend. “You put yourself in good hands, then.”

Seungcheol smiles at him, radiant. He reaches out, grabbing onto Jisoo’s hand and pulling him close. Jisoo ends up between his legs.

“I do like your hands,” he admits quietly, playing idly with Jisoo’s fingers. Jisoo watches Seungcheol as he focuses on Jisoo’s hands, smiling when they finish by intertwining their hands.

“I like you,” Jisoo teases, and Seungcheol, ducks his head playfully, hitting Jisoo in the chest lightly with his free hand and whining at him to stop.

“I won’t,” he leans in, and Seungcheol mirrors the motion, both of them drawn together like magnets. “I’ll keep telling you it ‘till it’s the only thing you know.”

Seungcheol blushes for real now, looking at their hands instead of Jisoo’s face.

“That sounds good,” he says, and Jisoo laughs, kissing him quickly, but then Seungcheol’s expression goes inexplicably plaintive, and he whines, “I’m hungry, Jisoo.”

He adds a pout to it, and draws out the last syllable of Jisoo’s name cutely. Jisoo huffs impatiently, but it’s all an act, and they both know it.

He looks around their little kitchen for something to feed Seungcheol, but then remembers the little container he’d hidden away in the back of the fridge the other day, and squirms his way out of Seungcheol’s hold.

“See you later,” the boy on the counter says, waving at him, and Jisoo laughs as he rummages around and finds the little sealed plastic container. He opens it, and Seungcheol is craning his neck to try and see what’s in there when Jisoo plucks a strawberry from inside.

“Oh, yum,” Seungcheol says, and Jisoo comes over to settle between his legs again. “Can I have one?”

“Sure,” Jisoo says, and Seungcheol goes to take one just as Jisoo places the wide top of the berry between his teeth.

Seungcheol stares at him for a second, and Jisoo panics momentarily, worried that this is not okay somehow, but then Seungcheol has a hand covering the back of his neck to angle his head up. He pulls his lips back to bare his teeth, and sinks them gently into the fruit before letting his lips touch Jisoo’s in what has got to be one of the sweetest kisses they’re ever shared.

Seungcheol takes half the strawberry, his bite delicate and leaving most of the fruit for Jisoo, and they stand close together and try to chew properly around their big smiles.

“Jisoo,” Seungcheol says, and his voice is playful. Jisoo knows what he wants, but he raises his eyebrows in a silent question anyway. Seungcheol looks down and Jisoo’s mouth, surely a little red from the strawberry juices he can still feel on his lips. Jisoo peeks his tongue out to lick at them, the motion swift, but Seungcheol sees it, of course, and he swallows.

He looks back up and meets Jisoo’s eyes.

“Can I please have another one?” he asks, and Jisoo grins, taking another strawberry and pressing it between Seungcheol’s teeth.

He leans up, quick and deft, and bites down on the fruit held in his boyfriend’s mouth, lips pressing to lips, and pulls away with half the strawberry and a blush hot on his cheeks.

“We have five more strawberries,” he says, voice quiet as he looks into the container. Seungcheol peers in too, and then leans in to kiss Jisoo on the side of the head.

“Okay,” he says easily. He’s got his hands on Jisoo’s shoulders, and he moves one up to lay over his neck, the other sweeping down and catching Jisoo’s hand in his. He leans in so close, foreheads pressed together, and says, “But I’m counting on more kisses than that.”

 

***

 

It’s a Tuesday when Jisoo brings his guitar to practice, and does it with a real purpose.

“I wrote something,” he says, somewhere midway through the lesson, during a twenty minute break. The guys who went out to find something to eat wander back in just then, and Mingyu yells around a huge mouthful of food at everyone to come and listen to his new song.

Jisoo is mostly calm, because performing really does come easiest when he’s got a guitar in his lap, but as he sees Jeonghan and Seungcheol settle on the floor beside each other at the back of the group, his heart does a nervous little flip flop.

“It’s not long,” he says, fingers playing with the tuners before sliding up and down the frets, pressing in on the chords he needs for the song. He looks up at his best friends in the world, among them his two boyfriends, and smiles. “But I’m kinda proud of it.”

Jihoon is smiling really wide at him, always excited to hear his most recent composition, and Jisoo realizes a little belatedly that he’s probably surprised that Jisoo has written a song without ever mentioning it to him.

He strums out an E chord, and then a G followed quickly by an A, warming himself up to the feeling of his instrument, and then he pauses, looking down at the floor before beginning.

He taps out a four count beat with his foot, and plays the opening notes before looking up and starting to sing.

It’s not a long song, but it’s meaningful. He sings about flower beds in front of an empty house, unable to grow anything on their own. The song changes, shifts from being in minor key smoothly into major when, in the lyrics, Jisoo sings about two people who come in and buy the house and bring life to the garden, let it flourish and blossom under their loving hands.

At one point, when he sings a line about how the flowers feed off the people’s love like it’s the only sun they need, he looks right at Jeonghan and Seungcheol, who are sitting there looking like if they smile any wider their faces will get stuck like that.

Jisoo ducks his head and smiles around the next line.

He gets a supportive round of applause from his friends, some amicable claps on the back and Jihoon telling him that this song was particularly inspired, when he finishes, and he’s happy. He feels like he’s confessed something very personal to the whole group, and it makes him a little nervous, but then he spots Jeonghan and Seungcheol who are holding hands and looking at him like all they want to do is kiss him.

“So good, Shua,” Jeonghan says, barely containing his affection. He squeezes Jisoo’s arm and nods at him. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, thank you,” Seungcheol agrees, and Jisoo sees him tighten his grip on Jeonghan’s hand like it’s what’s holding him back from touching Jisoo. “You’re perfect.”

Jisoo blushes at that, and shrugs.

“I mean I’m not,” he says, and kneels to zip his guitar back into it’s case. He looks up at his boyfriends with a smile. “But it’s nice of you to say it.”

Later, when they’re back in their rooms, Jisoo, Jeonghan and Seungcheol cuddled in close on one bed trading kisses in the quiet, Seungcheol huffs into a kiss.

“What?” Jisoo asks, having been on the receiving end of the puff of air.

“I say it ‘cause I mean it, Jisoo,” he says, kissing Jisoo firmly. “I say you’re perfect because I believe it.”

Jisoo blushes, turning his head away to try and hide. Jeonghan is there, though, and he kisses him gently, as if trying to coax Jisoo to hear Seungcheol out through a kiss.

“You’re perfect to me, you both are,” Seungcheol says, nosing at Jisoo’s jaw before dropping a tiny kiss to the skin. He moves to lean over Jeonghan then, giving him a quick kiss to the top of his cheekbone. Jeonghan kisses Jisoo one more time, before turning and letting Seungcheol kiss him, deep and firm.

Jisoo inhales.

“You’re perfect to me too, then,” he breathes, and his boyfriends smile into their kiss.

“You guys are perfect to me too,” Jeonghan murmurs into the minimal space between the three of them, voice gentle. “Of course you are.”

Seungcheol looks appeased, and he rolls his weight off them to flop down on Jeonghan’s other side but props himself up on one elbow to look at them.

They lay there in silence for a bit, seeing if their breathing will naturally align, but Jisoo breaks the silence before they achieve that.

“I love you guys,” he says, and Jeonghan turns his head to smile lovingly at him, Seungcheol grinning at him from over Jeonghan’s body.

“We love you too,” Jeonghan’s voice is sleepy, and Jisoo and Seungcheol share a fond look. “Thank you for the song.”

Jisoo grins. “Sleep, Hannie,” he says, petting a hand through Jeonghan’s hair. The other boy hums, eyes closing and mouth pressing into a pouty line as he lets himself succumb to the need to sleep.

“We should probably do that too, huh?” Seungcheol asks once he’s sure Jeonghan is asleep enough not to wake up at the smallest sound.

“Yeah,” Jisoo says, and goes to get up out of their bed.

“Wait, Jisoo,” Seungcheol grabs his wrist to keep him from moving away any more than he already has. He licks his lips, blinks up at Jisoo and says, “Stay.”

Jisoo doesn’t have to think twice.

“Okay,” he says, and curls back in against Jeonghan, and he means forever when he says, quietly so as not to wake their boyfriend, “I’ll stay.”


End file.
